


B-Side

by fromward (from)



Category: Sono Yubi Dake ga Shitte Iru | Only the Ring Finger Knows
Genre: Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-05
Updated: 2011-11-05
Packaged: 2017-10-25 17:57:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/273134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/from/pseuds/fromward
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yuiichi lives with an obsession.</p>
            </blockquote>





	B-Side

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2006.

_Fujii Wataru_.

You found him through a photograph in the Student Council office. You liked the way he smiled at the scratched-up ring you'd left on his desk: the ring you'd returned. You realized, not without guilt and trepidation, that he was what you'd been waiting for.

For almost a whole year, all you did was carry the replacement around with you. It stayed perfect and new. You were satisfied with the silver and gold in your pocket, the thoughts you kept in your heart.

 

*

He'd started dating someone in his year, you heard.

He broke up with her for no reason, your classmate was told, and now she was available for anyone to pursue.

He never took off the ring because he was still in love with her, they laughed.

You said nothing.

You told yourself you didn't care.

You'd always known the impossible existed even for you.

 

*

When you were hit by the splash of water, you thought, _At least my ring is safe_.

You'd started wearing it in the spring, when the cherry blossoms had begun to fall and you had remembered why you'd got it made in the first place. You had always been careful. _Safe_ , you believed, until you heard his voice and realized who he was.

You would have panicked right away except you were struck by how strange he sounded in your ears, how unlike who you thought him to be.

He didn't seem to notice how hard your hand was shaking as you offered him your handkerchief.

You had never been so relieved before in your entire life, but then again, you were young and he was the only worry you'd ever had.

 

*

In the crowded hallway, after physics lab and on your way to lunch, you felt for the ring in your shirt pocket and realized it wasn't yours. You didn't need to confirm it by sight. You knew. You knew what had first brought him to you.

 

*

You could have stood there talking to him until a teacher entered the class and told you to leave, except it was the first time he'd ever seen the matching rings — the proof of your crime — and it wasn't how you'd imagined it would be. You hadn't thought he'd be so docile, you hadn't wanted him to agree with what you thought about the matter. When you got home, you pressed the wet handkerchief against your face as you came in the shower, thinking of him and how maybe, just maybe, he had been lying, too.

 

*

He was at the door looking for you, one of your friends said.

He was carrying a large gift and wanted to give it to you, your classmates laughed.

You closed your book and stood up. It was your birthday soon. You'd already started to receive the gifts you didn't want. You'd apologized to more people than you cared to recall.

If you made him wait any longer he'd probably die, they laughed again.

You told them to stop being disgusting and followed him upstairs.

He had guts, you thought to yourself.

For the very first time, you weren't ashamed of how much you yearned for him.

 

*

You felt so foolish for thinking the present he'd brought had been his own gift to you, and you wanted to make him feel foolish too.

You used your body to trap him against the school wall and you toyed with his name, whispered it in his ear until he blushed and you thought, _Good_.

When you chided yourself later on, it wasn't because of what you did to him. If you were given another chance, you would behave in the same way. In a world where you could get what you wanted most, you would lean down and say, over and over again, _Wataru_.

 

*

All the students at the girls' school blended together and if she hadn't looked like him, you would have never found her. She was friendly to you and lost no time in helping you make amends. If you weren't so aware of your reputation, you might have made a step towards getting to know her. It was possible, at least, for his sister to fall in love with you.

 

*

Touko came for your birthday and you told her you'd started wearing the ring at school.

When you had to explain to your family why the girls who brought you presents started fighting in front of the house, they were amused and forgave you for needing to hide the identity of your girlfriend. Your big brother, usually always so serious and uptight, even winked at you.

It was late when you walked Touko to the train station.

She asked if your girlfriend knew about the person you love, whose ring she had made a twin of just for you. You were never good at keeping secrets from your cousin.

You told her there was no girlfriend and you waited for her to ask you why, or what it was that you meant, or who then were you hiding from the rest of the world.

You answered all those questions on your way home alone through the park and it seemed to you that the shadows understood.

 

*

The first time you'd thought of taking the photograph, you'd put the album away and avoided the Student Council office for a whole month. You'd even considered returning the key to your good friend, but you hadn't wanted to offend him.

Now it lay in between the filthy pages of your mathematics book.

Staying in seclusion in your room would've been good for your schoolwork, except you couldn't even look at the practice tests; not if you wanted to avoid seeing his smile, the hand frozen in a wave, the ring he'd thrown away only because he didn't know how much it meant to you.

 

*

 _Acquiescence_.

You'd come across the English word last year in the dictionary you'd borrowed from the library, the same one you'd helped him reach for that afternoon his body had fallen against yours.

You'd memorized each letter because you'd been afraid of getting it wrong and you'd needed so badly for the essay to get you into the university of your choice.

And you still wanted all of that, it still meant a lot to you. You just hadn't thought you'd still feel the same way about him, too.


End file.
